I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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