You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
