well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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