I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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