Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
