just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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