Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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