I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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