It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
