mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize