I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
