my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
