need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
