I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
