He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
