I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
