Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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