Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He did a backflip because drugs
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
