He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
