Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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