Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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