and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
