the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
