so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I love having hate sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
