People in love make me want to vomit
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
