Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
