I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish i was in the wii world.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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