Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
