i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Less talking, more tequila
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
