called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
