She's JV to your varsity
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The power of my boobs compel you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
