my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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