Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
