I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
