winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So many bounce houses so little time
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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