dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
