I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
