First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
