If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize