Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hippo gnu deer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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