my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
