Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there was a trapeze. enough said
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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