i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
