1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
