Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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