Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
