I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
