that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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