The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
