Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
