i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
