She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
