I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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