This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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