Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
