On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
