could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
