The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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