And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
