My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
