is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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