Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize