Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
