After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
