I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize