I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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