I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
