Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize