Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
