In the future we'll all be gay
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
